After a landing tower employee spotted smoke near the wheels, Flight 428 took safety precautions.
4b) On Thursday night, a 7 year old missing boy was found in Brick Township, NJ. After being missing for 3 years, he was recognized by a neighbor when seeing the movie Adam: The Song Continues. The police arrested the boy's mother, Ellen Lynn Conner, and she is facing charges of kidnapping and interference with a custody warrant.
4a) Start with what happened, not where. Say why they were evacuated in the lead. Telling me that "Flight 428 took safety precautions" is confusing. What precautions? I assume you mean the evacuation, but you've already told me that so this is redundant.
ReplyDelete4b) Don't start with "when," start with what happened. AP style errors: Hyphenate 7-year-old boy, three years.
7/10