SHAMROCK SHOWCASE, AN ANNUAL LIP-SYNC AND DANCE CONTEST, WAS PUT ON BY THE LADIES OF KAPPA DELTA SORORITY. THIS EVENT RAISES MONEY FOR 2 MAJOR CHARITIES: PREVENT CHILD ABUSE AMERICA AND CHILD QUEST INTERNATIONAL. THE NIGHT WAS FILLED WITH OVER 800 STUDENTS, RIDICULOUS OUTFITS, AND ENDLESS MUSIC. CINDY TSUI WAS SHAMROCK DIRECTOR.
TSUI: "WE HAVE TO BOOK THE LOCATION, PUBLICIZE THIS EVENT TO THE STUDENTS OF SAN JOSE STATE, AND PREP FOR THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCES."
THE PLANNING FOR SHAMROCK START 6 MONTHS PRIOR TO THE EVENT AND RESULTED IN A SUCCESS. PATRICIA PLASCENCIA WAS A GUEST TO THE SHOW.
PLASCENCIA: "I LOVE SHAMROCK! I LOVE WATCHING THE TEAMS MAKE FOOLS OF THEMSELVES ON STAGE. THE RAFFLE PRIZES DON'T SUCK EITHER."
WHETHER FROM TICKET SALES, T-SHIRT SALES, OR RAFFLE SALES, THE MONEY GAINED WAS OVER THE ANTICIPATED AMOUNT.
TSUI: LAST YEAR, WE MADE AROUND 7,500 AND THIS YEAR WE SET OUR GOAL TO HIT 10,00. NOT ONLY DID WE [REACH] OUR GOAL, WE MADE A NEW RECORD. WE MADE OVER 12,500.
This intro doesn't pull me in at all. It's passive voice and it's a topic lead (see p. 45 in text), not an engaging "soft" lead.
ReplyDeleteGood quote set-up, but make it a separate paragraph from your lead.
SIX MONTHS
HIT 10-THOUSAND (then you don't have to worry about dropping a zero ... like you did here)
The color of the type make this hard to read. Please keep it white or very light.
21/25