During a football game, a player rammed his head into the chest of the ball carrier, resulting in a cracked vertebrae in his spine. Although football injuries are common, the extent of its permanent damage has increased.
Pete Stenhoff, a junior at Chula Vista High School in Redmond, California, is now being confined to a wheelchair.
"I knew the risks involved when I decided to play football. I wish I would have known just how bad it could be", said Stenhoff.
Like Stenhoff, many of injuries are permanent. There 20,000 injuries in high school football each year and 12% of the injuries, include permanently disabling the victims.
Due to this accident, Stenhoff has not only suffered physical pain and weight loss, but also emotional pain of not being able to graduate with his class.
Close, but I'd keep the focus of your first couple of paragraphs on Stenhoff. You can add the general statement (Although football injuries are common, the extent of its permanent damage has increased) in later, when you're switching over to explain the significance of Stenhoff's story.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your opening sentence is too passive voice ("resulting in"), which makes it less engaging.
How about:
Life changed in a instant for a California high school football player when he rammed his head into the chest of the ball carrier ... and a cracked a vertebrae in his spine.
Now Pete Stenhoff, a junior at Chula Vista High School in Redmond, Calif., must use a wheelchair.Note: see the "disability/disabled" entry in the AP Stylebook -- it will tell you not to describe someone as "confined" to a wheelchair.
* 12 percent (not %)
16/20